Mommy Guilt

It’s time to be honest, transparent, and real on this blog. So here goes. I spend too much time overthinking/ worrying about whether I’m doing my best as a mother or not. I mean, I think I’m a pretty good mother. My boys are well cared for, loved on, and they are pretty happy boys. BUT, I’m always going back and forth on whether I spend enough time with them, or if I am teaching them enough, do I read and sing to them enough...all that good stuff. I guess it boils down to mommy guilt, and there is just no time for that in this house! 

Here is where my biggest dilemma lies, is it ok to do anything around the house besides play with the boys? I’m not talking about watching the tv or surfing the net, honestly that is not where I struggle. I do struggle with my time spent cleaning. There is always something to be picked up, or vacuumed, or dusted. So then I begin to worry, do I put cleaning the house ahead of them? If I really think about it, I don’t think I do. Especially since summer has started, I have been able to keep things pretty clean with a short amount of time spent in the mornings. Then the rest of the day we play outside, go out for different activities, meet friends, or even watch an occasional movie. 

Where should the line be drawn though? Is it wrong to do anything besides entertain the  boys the entire time they are awake? I really don’t think so. It is just not sustainable for me to do all of my cleaning after they are in bed. If I chose that route, then I would be neglecting my husband, and that would be wrong too. He wants me to be available to relax and watch tv with him at night, and I enjoy that too. I know life is about finding the balance, and I think part of that balance may just include cleaning some while the boys play. 

The boys have been really good this summer! I mean, they drive me crazy, they throw fits, they whine when they don’t get their way, but I have seen their relationship grow so much these past few weeks. They are fighting less, and playing better together. They really love each other, and are truly attached at the hip. Ethan literally does everything he sees Nathaniel do. 

So, why do I feel guilty for quickly cleaning the kitchen during these times when they are playing perfectly together. I feel crazy for even thinking it, but this is how the cycle goes. I feel like I’m neglecting them if I do anything else around the house, even though they couldn't care less if I’m with them right then or not. Then sometimes when I’m trying to get us all out of the house for something fun, they don’t care to go, but I’m forcing it because when we are out I’m certainly not neglecting them. It’s tiring! Trying to do the best for your children is tiring all the time! 

I will admit that some days I struggle with this more than others. And I’m a million times better with it than I used to be. It’s just so easy to slip back into those bad thinking habits some times. Here are the solutions that have helped me:

1. Stop "stinkin thinkin"! Yep, I said it! If everyone is happy, then I don’t need to worry about it. I need to trust myself, and my own conscience. I need to trust myself to know that if I need to change something, God will certainly let me know, and I will change. I have a close relationship with Him, and he convicts me of other things, and He will on this issue too. 
2. Stay away from things that will make me feel like less of a mother. We all know there is so much out there to bombard us as mothers. There is plenty to tell us how many activities we need to do, and that our children should be reading at age 1, and I could go on and on. The truth is that each family is different, and what each child needs is different. I don’t need to feel bad about having a different type of schedule and doing different things than everybody else. 

My favorite go-to verse to help me keep my thoughts in order.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and God of peace will be with you.”

 Philippians 4:8-9

Anyways, I may have rambled way too much. I just felt the need for some honesty here, and to let others know that it's ok to relax and do what is best for your family. Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you find helped you?